The stigma that follows me

Well, here I am again, wondering why I was the unlucky one in my family to be cursed with bipolar. Don't get me wrong, I have learnt to live with it, and am lucky enough to have found a doctor and psychologist who actually listen to me, and help me manage what can be a roller coaster of emotions at times.

So, this stigma I am talking about. I was called in to a meeting with my Team Leader at work to talk about my anxiety, and disclosed I had bipolar. Honestly, I thought she already knew, but there you go. She told me that she wanted to help me all she can, but as I work with the elderly who are dealing with their own anxieties, she needed to think about them as well. I understand all this, and in know way want to cause any harm to my clients, which is why I always try to have a smile on my face when I get to where I'm going. When I'm depressed it is a little bit harder to do, but for the sake of the client I manage. Anyway, I was told by my Team Leader that she would be cutting back my hours until my anxiety was under control (yep, that works) and we now have a weekly meeting to see where things stand. I had to cancel a client tomorrow due to my current low mood, but as that only put me at 2 hours (we get paid a minimum of 3 hours, so they schedule at least 3 hours work) so my other shift was cancelled as well. All good so far. Then I get next week's roster - 3 hours for the week, as I have to see my Dr on Wednesday morning. 3 hours!!!! How is that doing my anxiety any good? How is being at home for 7 days straight doing me any good? Am I going to slowly lose my job because I disclosed my mental illness? Does it count as discrimination, or do I just have to put up with it?

Now, I'm sure you all know that bipolar comes with highs and lows, with periods of being 'okay'. When my mood is elevated (my 'high') I'm an absolute pleasure to be around (so I have been told), but when my mood is low, not so much. When I'm 'okay', I'm not as much fun as when I'm 'high' but a hell of a lot more fun than when I'm 'low'. I have found that most people prefer the 'up' me more than the 'okay' me, and this does bother me a bit. I was once told "this is the Gretchen I like" ... well, I'm sorry, but Gretchen is a complex creature and I think I'm worthy of being liked in whatever mood I'm in. Of course, if you get Cranky Gretchen, I would forgive you for not liking me much, even I don't.

I don't often ask for help when I'm low, as I feel as if I am a burden to every single person I want to call. What I do is post not-so-positive stuff on Facebook, just so people know I'm not that well. I know I will get through it, and come out the other side all sparkly and shit, but it's hard to remember that at times.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if someone doesn't ask for help, if you notice that they aren't their usual selves, reach out, make sure they are okay.

Always remember ... it's ok to say you're not ok

It's okay to say

Things don't always go according to plan ....

Here's the thing ... I may not be the world's best mother, but I have done the very best I can. That makes me the best mother I can be, and you can agree with me or not, I don't give a rat's ass.

My first two children were an absolute joy. I had bouts of depression which were debilitating, but we seemed to deal with it. I got cuddles galore, which is the best kind of medicine available.

Along comes my third child. He was also an absolute joy, but even at an early age he seemed to be on the go. When he was in kindergarten, at the age of 5, I was told I should take him to the paediatrician after he had thrown a chair at another child. Sigh. So off we went, and came home with a diagnosis of *ADHD/**ODD. Completely new to me, I had just thought he was a rather naughty child, nothing unusual after having two fairly good kids.

I had to deal with Nicolas differently, as the way I dealt with my first two was not working when dealing with him. It's not fair, I know, but what can you do? Only another parent with an adhd child would know what it's like. Does the child grow out of it? God, I hope so. Nic is now 14 and his behaviour is becoming atrocious, both at home and at school.

Don't get me wrong, he can be a sweet, loving child, and I love him unconditionally (as I do my other two). I just wish more people could see this side of him.

I also wish people were more understanding ... instead of labelling my child as naughty or uncontrollable, instead of blaming me as the parent.

Here is what the conditions are;

*ADHD

There are two main criteria used to make a diagnosis: attention symptoms and hyperactivity symptoms.
The key features associated with symptoms of inattention include:

• failing to give close attention to details and difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play
• not listening when spoken to
• not following through on instructions and failure to finish tasks
• difficulty organising tasks and activities
• avoiding, disliking or being reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort
• losing things necessary for tasks or activities
• easily distracted

The key features associated with symptoms of hyperactivity (sometimes known as hyperactivity-impulsivity) include:

• fidgeting with hands or feet, squirming in seat
• leaving seat when remaining sitting is expected
• running about or climbing excessively
• difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities and often ‘on the go’
• talking excessively and blurting out answers before a question is completed
• interrupting others

To fulfil a diagnosis of ADHD, each symptom must persist for six months or more.



**ODD

 Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a childhood behavioural problem characterised by constant disobedience and hostility. Around one in 10 children under the age of 12 years are thought to have ODD, with boys outnumbering girls by two to one.

 ODD behaviours usually surface when the child is at primary school, but the disorder can be found in children as young as three years of age.

A child with ODD may:

• Become easily angered, annoyed or irritated
• Have frequent temper tantrums
• Argue frequently with adults, particularly the most familiar adults in their lives such as parents
• Refuse to obey rules
• Seem to deliberately try to annoy or aggravate others
• Have low self-esteem
• Have a low frustration threshold
• Seek to blame others for any accidents or bad behaviour.