Being Bullied ~ a true story

Just this morning I was sitting here thinking about my school years, wondering why they weren’t the best years of my life as they are meant to be. I loved school at one stage, but then I hit puberty and went to high school! I still did my work, had my friends, but the bullies seemed to have multiplied over the Christmas break.

This was just in my first year of high school, me being all of 12 years old. Everywhere I went I was called ugly, or fat, or both. Hurtful? Of course it was. I didn’t think I was either of those things at that stage, but by the end of that year I did.

I changed schools going into year 8, to be with my older sister who I believed would protect me. A few things happened over Christmas break. I lost weight, but also found out I needed glasses. Going to a new school really didn’t change much, but at least I wasn’t called fat again. Still ugly, but now they threw four-eyes into the bag of insults. One of the memories I have is of a boy going through my school bag, and finding my sanitary pads. He thought it would be funny to pull them out and show them around. What was a 13 year old girl to do? I ran, crying my little heart out.

I cannot remember everything that happened to me during the next 2 years, but not a day went by when something wasn’t said to me, or I was pushed, shoved, or hit. My sister did what she could, when she saw something, but she was 2 years above me, and didn’t really know what I was going through.

Just after I started year 10, my mother and stepfather decided they were going to buy a property near Bathurst. Instead of starting a new school in year 11, I moved to Bathurst with my Dad, and started at Bathurst High. I have a memory of running through the corridor away from a group of girls, in my first week or so, for god knows what reason. I did have friends, but they couldn’t wipe away all the pain I was feeling from years of bullying, which seemed to follow me no matter what school I went to.

Year 12 ... this is where the good story begins. I’m 17, and have started to drink, and have sex. I did some stupid things, for sure, but was that any reason for the harassment that followed? Rumours about me being pregnant went around a few times, all because my mum made me see a counsellor at Women’s Health. I had posters in the senior common room changed to include my name. (If you remember the aids campaign back in the late 80’s ‘Next time you sleep with someone, how many people will you be sleeping with?’ ... well, you can imagine I’m sure.) The trial HSC was coming up, but every time I walked in the common room, into a classroom, there would be someone talking about me. I couldn’t cope, so I left. Tried a different school (Kelso) but the same problem was there, so didn’t last long.

Okay, so now you are probably wondering how this has affected me as an adult? To start with, I’ll tell you that I have Bi-polar Disorder, which is why I was sexually promiscuous at such a young age. Have I ever thought I was anything but ugly? Nope, not at all. I might tell other people that I am happy with myself, but I’m not. Years of constant belittlement have left their mark. Even when I was skinny, I never thought I was. I’m overweight now (bi-polar medication can do that to you) and am still not happy with the way I look, but I doubt I ever could be. There is a little voice inside my head that takes me back to when I was 12 and being told I was fat when I wasn’t.

What really gets me, is that some of the people who did this to me at school see me down the street and have the nerve to say hello. I’m too nice of a person not to say hello back, but I am not going to forgive them for what they did. I can’t, I am scarred for life.

My oldest child has been a victim of bullying as well. Countless times I was down the principals office at the primary school trying to get something done. Even when he came home with a black eye the school did nothing but give the bully in-school detention. Yeah, he got punished didn’t he? His high school years I don’t know much about as he stopped talking to me about things because I got too upset, too angry, but just last year he all of a sudden stopped wanting to go to school. I did everything I could think of to get him there, but there is only so much one little woman can do, so the school eventually gave up on him. This year, he’s matured a bit more, and I managed to get him re-enrolled at a different school where he seems to be doing great.

I am hoping my son isn’t scarred the same way I am, but only time will tell.

To all the bullies out there, I hope you will be able to live with yourselves in years to come.

To all parents of children who are victims of bullies, all I can say is hang in there, because even if the schools do nothing, your children will know you did all you can.